programme erotica on Japanese TV

Unlike last year, where we stayed in Hotel Ibis, a reputed Sex Hotel in Roppongi, we stayed in Hotel Excel Tokyo in Shibuya for 2006. It is a much nicer hotel catering to real business people. Allow me to demonstrate the difference:

The picture to the right is Hotel Ibis, centrally located in the Roppongi district of Tokyo. The area is known for its colorful nightlife. On weekends, you can't walk two blocks without a Southern African guy tugging at you to "Come to my bar!" and handing you little coupons for cheap drinks and promises of hot sexy ladies. If you look closely at the picture (click it) and examine the billboard on the right, it's easy to see that in addition to nightly stays, the hotel also offers an Esquire Club, Lovenet, Last Saigon, and G Love right on the premises. The basement of the hotel is a hostess bar that deals out drinks by the hour. Spend $60US, and it's all you can drink for 2 hours. I was told that you also get lady company, with option for take out. Being timid, I never confirmed this story by Nicoli.

The picture to the left is a profile of the room at Hotel Ibis. It's that small. In fact, I could have reached over in the middle of the night and suffocated my snoring roommate without really having to extend myself much. I didn't do that. Patrick was my friend. I did slap him a few times and stick my finger into his gaping maw and took a few photos while he slept. He later made me delete the compromising photos under a most uncomfortable headlock. We were on the top floor. When it rained, the ceiling bulged. Patrick poked at the bulge and down came about a camel's pissload of rainwater. It was trashy, but without the glamour.

This year, at the Hotel Excel Tokyo in Shibuya, we had real Western style rooms. The location is much nicer as I'm not harassed with opportunities for paid female companions 30 seconds after I walk outside of the hotel. As illustrated, I have a sitting area looking outside of the Shibuya area of Tokyo. Finally I can sit naked next to bright Tokyo neon night, smoke a Marlboro, and watch Patrick toss and turn in his boxers whilst pondering the impact of particle physics on the Catholic dogma of Creationism. I did none of that, but I would, if I were capable.

Of course, the hotel isn't without its faults. While it was grand to break fast on the 35th floor overlooking the Tokyo sunrise, I was somewhat disconcerted by the advertisement in my room of the morning feast. Examined closely, the plaquard planted in my room of the Japanese style faire literally states, "Japanese restaraunt Syun-Sai may serve healthy and FLESH breakfast set menu." I'm guessing they meant fresh, but given my last year's experience, maybe they do mean flesh. The view, as I mentioned before, is spectacular. I can see Shinjuku, Harajuku, Yoyogi park, and almost Tokyo Tower if the mist ever let up. This, I surmised, is a real Tokyo hotel.

Here, gratuitously, is a view from where I had breakfast. The green looking park is Yoyogi park, and beyond that, Shinjuku. Harajuku, where Gwen Stephani had misappropriated the Harajuku Girls in order to gain street cred, lies somewhere in between.

Now to tie the title of this piece together. In both hotels, sex and business, trashy and upscale, Ibis and Excel, were made available a TV set. The remote controls (alas, I did not take a picture) contained, in addition to the regular numbers and buttons, additional controls labeled (P1), (P2), (P3) and (P4). One of the buttons did nothing. One of them either provided for movies or the Golf channel. The other two, however, gave one on intriguing 30 second look of heavily mosaic'ed Japanese porn. Push the right button, and you get to see a Japanese girl in a sailor outfit and hear moans that indicate she is at once receiving pleasure and yet too modest to express the sensation in an overt manner. After the 30 seconds, you can opt to purchase the movie for viewing, or press the other button to see another 30 seconds of modest Japanese porn.

Here is a preview.Yes. In both hotels, the parallel is astonishing. I recall last year bursting into a room occupied by a man named Ron only to discover that he had purchased the full erotic program, and was sitting on the bed studying the television intently. When queried, he simply said - "I am trying to determine the difference in cinematography of Japanese and Western pornography."