Sunday, October 22, 2006

inimitable ofactory arousal lavatory @ Yamhill Pub

City of Portland. Poised to re-invent itself as a world class metropolitan and the capital of microbreweries. Beer nazis wander the streets proclaiming to any who will listen that drinking PBR or Miller Lite is is akin to drowing oneself with MD 20/20 in the midst of Alsace.

It was surprising to find such a dive bar in the middle of down town, across from the fancy martini bar and club, H2O. Right across Yamhill from H2O is a small door with a neon lit window displaying signs that equate "beer", and cheap too.

Welcome to Yamhill Pub, the last dive bar in downtown Portland. 2$ pints on a Friday night with unpretentious fellow drinkers is a welcome retreat from the faux sofisticants littered few steps outside. The ambiance is dim. The bartender friendly. But how is the most important of facilities for those who would drink the weight equivalent of a newborn infant, the bathroom?

Well, have a look.

Two such facilities exist. One straight back of the bar, and the other after a 90 degree turn to the right. It's co-ed, but usually not at the same time.

I took the picture with my new SE w810i whilst flicking down the last few drops.

It's not the most sit-down friendly place I've seen. Somehow I noticed that a nasal offending scent is strangly amiss.

Upone returning to our table where Mitch is expressing excitedly to Ken about Continental air miles, Oscar asked if I had went to the bathroom.

Seeing how the only two termination points from where I just hailed is obviously appearant, the gig was up.

"Did you notice how fragrant it was in there? It smelled really good."

We all went back and smelled it. Yes, it did smell really good in the bathroom at the last dive bar in Portland named Yamhill Pub.

Friday, October 20, 2006 ugly is your wife?

I just read this: "Wash. man accused of sex with pit bull".

No. It wasn't me.

But a few lines in the article did tickle the bowels of my curiosity. To wit: "the first person in the Washington state charged under a new bestiality law".

I have to assume prior to this new bestiality law, people were willy nilly picking up their pets and wantonly ravishing them. When they have exhausted domesticated quadrupeds, people started trolling for strays. WTF? Really? Before the law was passed, it was not illegal to give your neighbor's Siamese the shocker while it licks the peanut butter off your pecker?

Boy did we all miss that party.

"Michael Patrick McPhail was caught by his wife on Wednesday night having intercourse on the back porch with their four-year-old female pit bull terrier."

This is a picture of a pit bull terrier.
Slim, good muscule tone, small. And a face that would make a few men briefly consider Rosie O'Donnell. Is your wife that ugly? Maybe she's Catholic and had 12 kids and the poor guy ain't been touching sidewall for years.

Michael is sitting in jail with a $300,000 bail. Let the poor man go. Having been caught by his wife and subsequently his name plastered all over the state and given the title of "first man arrestest for bestiality" is punishment enough.

Monday, October 02, 2006

sweet, sweet, salty nut

I picked up this granola bar from Caronlina's stash of snacks. It was only later I realized that I was handling Sweet & Salty Nuts.

I'm not sure why, but it weirded me out. Nuts are only sweet and salty if it involves whipped cream (or honey...maybe fudge) and vigorous sessions of fornication.

Nature Valley, keep up with the ambiguity naming process. Maybe - Chunky Chocolate Speedway?

...okay I need to get back to work...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Portland Marathon - 26.2 miles sleeping in

Toni ran the whole Portland Marathon today. It's 26 some miles from downtown Portland to...downtown Portland. It goes through some nice scenic routes next to the most polluted river in the United States and tracks through the ghetto of NE Portland.

9000 people ran or walked it, starting at 7AM.

I maintain it is unholy. The Bible told us that Sunday is a day of rest, and we shall smite down those who work on this holy rest day with stone. Since smashing random runners with a large brick is against the law of man, I didn't obey the decree of some silly Jewish fiction. I did, however, recognize that getting up early in the morning on a Sunday constituted as a sin in the book of John, and slept in.

When I woke, Toni was on her way home, having finished the entire run without stopping (except for the train that kind of caused everyone to stop).

Roughly 4 hours and 30 minutes, or sustained 10 minute miles. Congradulations!