off for 3 weeks

I'm off for 3 weeks - going to Tokyo, Beijing, and Shanghai.

Here are some pictures of 24 hours I spent in Turkey.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/johnlee666/album?.dir=/bb84&.src=ph&.tok=phmvBmCBnv_.FHS1

have you alcohol like you have your cocaine

Want to have that drink but the thought of swallowing is just too much effort? For the lazy Americans who want to get drunk without the workout of actually drinking, here is a device that makes getting drunk as easy as breathing.

Now - you are not too lazy to breath, are you?

The Alcohol WithOut Liquid machine will vaporize your drink and let all that alcohol goodness absorb directly into your bloodstream through your lungs. Not having a drink has never been more fun.

inhale yourself to drunkeness

yellow fever

Enjoy some culture to the tune of Chinese rappers.

Norotious MSG is very reminiscent of the early Beasty Boys - catchy tunes, good lyrics, not a lot of implied violence toward women and police. Shit, the Chinese can never advocate and perpetrate violence upon their women or any authority figure for that matter. Chinese people are peaceful lovers. That or that are too busy studying math and science, doing your laundry, or waiting tables...

See the video - Straigh Out of Canton


chinaboy rap

is that a banana in your...

Buy one to protect your banana. Fill it with water and toss it in the freezer for some cold fun.

Banana Bunker


always sheath your banana

i stab people

I love creative aggression. Take a knife, take a man (or woman - equality), insert knife into man. What more can you ask for?

Oh yeah, you can eat your steak with it too.

Kitchen gadgets.

eat and take out your frustration at the same time

life is like a box of chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates...

Shit. I don't really like chocolates...

virtual suds

Stuck at home? Too much work? Too lazy to go out and get a cold brewski? Bartender too ugly?

Whatever the case may be, check out the Virtual Bartender over at Beer.com. Tell her what you want (beer) and she'll bring it to you.

Also try out some of the other popular words like:

• boobs
• butt
• bra
• show your tits
  
  and my all time Mardi Gras favorite
  
  
• show your box
  

she'll bring you beer, and more...

a word on vegetarians

Vegetarians don't eat meat. Vegetarian women probably give awful blowjobs. I bet they don't even swallow.

help an illegal cross the border

Who wouldn't want to play a game where you portray an Mexican illegal trying to cross the border only to be faced with the searing desert, rattlesnakes, and angry white farmers? Hey, they just want to work like the rest of the illegals do. Like they say, "Whatever doesn't kill me, postpones the inevitable."

Go help an illegal find his dream.


all your illegals are belong to us

sientific test - gays or girls?

Gays or Girls? Can you tell if its a woman or a man schlepping on you schlong? Over at Viceland they gave it the test.

"She dallied around with his cock like an Iraqi prisoner of war forced to suck his best friend off for the pleasure of American troops."

With a quote like that, you have to check out the results for yourself.

Slobbing the Knob for Science

crazy diahrrea

Tatoos are fashionable in an alternative living style sort of way. Ancient cultures used to list the offenses a criminal by tatooing them on their head and face. I guess countercultures always look to the most progressive set of people to emulate.

Take this for instance. This woman obviously didn't know what the heck she's making permanent on her back. In case you wonder, it says "Crazy Diahrrea". Maybe she has some anal seepage and its a warning to anyone who goes back there?

Check out Hanzi Smatter for more Chinese abuse.


check with a Chinese person before you make that permanent

same ho, new lo

Whoever don't love the Duece must not have a sense of humor. In which case I'd suggest you check out the latest comedic genious works such as Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Dodgeball, and Without A Paddle.

The Duece is back, all new country, all new cu... well... go check out the preview.

who don't love the duece?

romanian lip syncher

If you don't know him, you will. If you don't like him, you will. If you hate techno, you will not be able to get the goddamn song out of your head. This fatbody lip synchs to a Romanian techno song so perfectly it is completely mesmerising. If a single nerd can boost an obscure song to number one, this is it.

A must watch.

Lippin' on Romania

you will come to love him

how fast is your reaction

BBC has a little game that tests your reflexes. See how fast you can go.

The best I got, after 10 Miller Lites, is Bobbling Bobcat.

See what you can do.

Sheep Hunt via BBC

teach you children well

...so they don't shoot you in the ass when you are topping of the wife.

Son Shoots Dad After Misktaking Parent's Sex For Abuse

1. Don't let you kids know where you hide your gun.
2. Lock and deadbolt the bedroom doors.
3. Teach them that even at advance age (to them), wild screaming sex is still possbile.
4. If they don't believe #3, tell them that you are extremely endowed and freaky; make them proud to have inerited your genes.
5. Send the kids away or go to a hotel if you are going to be screaming all night!

Thanks to Dave Munroe for the link.

googles loose women

What won't Google do? They have a new nifty map tool at maps.google.com. Not only can you search by address, you can search by phrase.

Below is an image of where Google Maps helped me find "loose women". Appearantly, loose women can be found at the "Independence Community College", "Bartlesville Public Library", and the "Delaware Indian Tribal Headquarters".

Oh Google. What will I do without you?

Here are some other fun ones to try.

"Mexicans" can be found at: Taco Bell (duh!), Lindo Mexico
"Mexican Basketball Association": Oklahoma Wesleyan University: Adult and Graduate Studies
"Jesus": Wow, he's everywhere
"Vegetarians": found at the Sirloin Stockade

Give it a try.

loose women found here

year of the cock

It's the year of the Cock! Only the Chinese would devote an entire year to celebrate the male member!

Oh...What? Not the same Cock?

Well, lets celebrate anyway!!!

Year of the Cock

lets celebrate

miss godaddy

The internet geeks are obsesses with Ms. GoDaddy.

Ms. GoDaddy

I swear this will be my last update on her. My hands are getting entirely too busy looking at these sites.

if you must take that pistol across state lines...

Once in a while you just gotta take your guns across state lines. It's even better if the guns are concealed just in case someone wants to mess with you - or you feel like messing with an innocent.

Here are all the laws and rules you needs to know.


where do you conceal your piece?

info on the godaddy.com girl

As one of the three most TiVo watched and replayed, the GoDaddy.com's girl is hot hot hot. Candice Michelle is both a model and a WWE diva and you can see lots more of her...

via Taxi Driver
via WWE
via Mr.Skin


the real SuperBowl costume malfunction

to all you tivotees out there

Questions Frequently Asked About TiVo, Answered by someone who loves TiVo too Much...

Quote:

Q: Will TiVo change my life?

A: No, TiVo will not change your life so much as He will destroy your previous life, permitting a new and improved life to rise, phoenix-like, from your ashes. Switching from cable television to satellite is “change.” Moving to TiVo is closer to rebirth.

Link via Morningnews

BTW - I hate people who talk about TiVos. TiVo this, TiVo that. "Oh I can't watch regular TV now that I have TiVo." "I TiVo'ed all espisodes of Desperate Housewives." "How can anyone NOT have a TiVo?" Go fucking kill yourselves.

confuse your mind

A & B are the same color...do you believe it?

what could hurt worse?

Here I am idling and my mind wondering...what could hurt really bad?

Have my penis slamed between the bedroom door?

I think that would hurt a lot. Probably a lot more than getting shot in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun.

rustling up respect

If you ever worked in an office, and need a little clearin' up about sexual Heee-rassment, then you gotta watch this little film.

"No blowing the peace pipe or scalping the pale face..."

Trust me. You won't be disappointed.

dem krazy sooperbol adds

The best thing about the Superbowl? The ADS of course.

After sitting for hours watching men in tights pounding one another, you gotta have some humor to go on. Here is a collection of all the Superbowl ads.

Superbowl Commercials 2005

boobs and superbowl...two years in a row

What gets men going after bunch of beers and football? A little boob balls...

Watch the GoDaddy.com's SuperBowl ad.


you go daddy!

dude! where is your face?

Was he black? Is he white? Does he enjoy little boys?

Is he really La Toya? Was he in Planet of the Apes?

Does he have a nose? A new chin? Do we really give a shit?

Come and see the freakshow that is Jacko's face. He says two surgerys on his face and that skin color thing was a disease.

You know what I think? Like the Catholic church, he likes his boys in their pre-teens...

The HisTory of Michael Jackson's face

Lock youself in a room. Turn down the lights. Sip on some Courvoisier. Have a fright.

michael...that you?

man meets gravity

This is why all skaters, with the exception of Tony Hawk, seem to have mild to severe brain damage. Gusto and lack of appeciation for basic physics spells...well, go see the video.

cool trick


sk8ter h8ter

archeology joke

An esteemed professor of archeology was back from a dig in Israel where the oldest settlement in that part of the world had been discovered, along with a tablet containing drawings of what was thought to be the world's oldest writing.The professor was there to give a slide show lecture and the hall was packed, standingroom only.

Finally, the tablet was discussed and a likeness of the symbols was put on the overhead projector for all to see. You could hear a pin drop as the Professor explained his findings.

"The first symbol as you see is a woman - which we take to mean that this society held women as equals if not in high respect and as an important part of life, showing their social sophistication. Next we have a donkey, proving their domestication of of animals. Next we have a shovel which ties in with the donkey - in that it symbolizes farming and working of the land, cultivation of crops and building homes. Next we see a fish, further proving this idea of a productive society that had the ability to farm and fish. And last, we see a Star of David, showing that even at the beginning of what we can call recorded history of that area, the people were religious and they saw this religion as the cornerstone of their family, work,and culture together."

The room was quiet, reflecting with admiration, the simple ways of these people.

Then from the back came the voice of an old man.

"Excuse me?", he said. "I don't mean to cause a problem, but you have it all wrong". "What do you mean?", called the professor as all heads turned.

"Well," said the old man, "this is from Israel, so you're reading Hebrew. Hebrew is read right-to-left. You translated it left-to-right. According to my translation, it should really read:

"Holy mackerel - dig the ass on that broad!"



via anomalies-unlimited

my frigging chair

My chair is broken. Everytime I raise it up and sit in it, it would eventually work its way to the bottom. It doesn't move in a slow, gentle way either. Nope. The thing would, randomly, give out a little noice like a puff and I'd drop anywhere from 1 to 2 inches. It's wholly without warning and quite startling. The first few times I thought it was fun, now its just plain annoying.

That got me thinking. It's like meeting someone for the first time and that person possessed a certain quirk and made them fun to be around. Only hours later, you find that the quirk is permanent, and wearing, and don't go away. Now you just wish the person would go away.

Shit. I just hit bottom again. Looks like time to hit the 'net for a new chair.

i like the captain

Captain Morgan is probably my most favorite liquer of all time. It goes well with just about anything, and is good by itself.

Recipe - Johnny's Rum and Diet Coke/Dr. Pepper/Pepsi/Presidents Choice

In a 6 oz. glass, put in 4 ice cubes.
Fill 9/10 of the way full with Captain Morgan.
Add a dash of soda - becareful no to spill.

Carbohydrates: None
Calories: Should you care after two of these?


He can be your Captain too!

to google - I love mexico

Google accused me of being racist toward Mexicans (well, not in so many words) due to my post on Juan on Juan Basketball Tourney and denied my application to Google's AdSense.

But just look at what Telemundo is putting out! Oh Google, how can you say I don't love Mexicans?!


I love mexican television

spotted signs

Sign found. Can anyone identify where this is?

just like my ass

vegetarians are sexy...when they are models pillow fighting

One normally associate vegetarians as sickly yet aloof people who are on a morality high. The veggie men are thin and underdeveloped and their women have no breasts. Their organization, PETA (not to be confused with People for Eating Tasty Animals) is ineffectice and can, at best, muster the brainiac that is Pamela Anderson as their anti-KFC spokesman. Well, at least they have a sexy ad that got rejected by the Supperbowl. Nothing like two chick in 70's short shorts duking it out with pillows.

Link to Peta's Superbowl "Sausage" Ad

BTW. WWJD? Jesus, I suspect, would eat meat. If you believe the Bible is non-fiction, then you would know that it tells a tale of a man named Jesus eating fish, see people as lamb, and kept company with prostitutes. But really, I love Jesus.

sexy vegans? only if the pillows were cucumbers...

vegetarians are anti-Americans

Vegetarian are not only skinny, whinny people who don't eat meat, appearantly they are also anti-American.

From the National Archives, the US government urges its citizens to recycle leftover fat for explosives. Of course, we all know bacon is the best source of recycleable fat, as is chicken skin, and goose liver. When is the last time you cooked brocolli and got some leftover oil?

Defend America! Recycle fat! Of course nowadays we should probably look over the waste bins from our local plastic surgeon what with all the lyposuction and all...

Recycle dat phat!


eat meat and defend our country

study finds women who drink way more fun to study

As if anyone really needed researchers to tell us that...

Link via Satirewire

she's more fun when we're both drunk

origami you money

Its facinating to see what people come up with with a piece of paper and lots of idle time. I've seen some very artistic creations to consipracy theory paper folding. Remember the one where you fold a $20 and it shows the Twin Towers burning and the other side shows the Pentagon smoking? Well, this site is nowhere near as X-File-ish, though its also no Guggenheim.

Fold money into a shirt, a spider, a pair of glasses...impress drunken friends at work...

money origami

shirt from the dollar store